DEATH AND LIFE: THE NEW NORMAL

FiftyandFurthermore.com is a site for those in the second half of life, for those who aren't there yet but know someone who is, and for anyone who believes that the years ahead, though they may call us to new paths, can be the best ones yet.


Recently a good friend and colleague in her eighties took me to task stating that she didn’t think FiftyandFurthermore.com valued death and that it lacked an appreciation for its truth. I was stunned at her perception as it is far from my understanding of how life works and from the message I hope FiftyandFurthermore.com conveys. As we dialogued, my colleague began to understand my point of view.

As a psychologist who has spent the major portion of my life dealing with people’s pain, suffering and life challenges, and as someone who has certainly had my own share of lemons to make into lemonade, I well understand life’s underbelly. As I Sage, I am constantly confronted by illness and death. I well know how precious every moment of life is.

Less than two years ago when I wed and shared my own written vows, I started with awareness and a truth that was lodged deeply in my soul. “Time is not our ally,” is how I began. One reason I was willing to wed again was because that knowledge was present with me. I too well understood that I no longer had that fantasy of an infinite future. Every moment needed to be lived fully in the “now” and embraced with the preciousness it deserved. I understood love was not something to be handled carelessly and that if we were to build a future this time round, it had to be accomplished with all the tender care and ceaseless effort we could bring to our relationship. No longer young, the possibility of illness and death had become constant companions.

Sure enough, within less than a year I had a health issue and before our second anniversary my husband faces one as well. So far we are both survivors. Health is not something either of us takes for granted. Every day matters: family, work, play, leaving a legacy, laughter, giving back, mentoring, learning, living, and loving help to keep us alive. I am not invincible, nor are any of us. Life and how we live it matters.

So what does this have to do with Fifty andFurthermore's call to life and facing new challenges? One thing I have learned with my advanced years is that today’s “New Normal” is different from anything we have ever known before. People do not tend to die from the once disaster diseases such as cancer and heart attacks that used to kill quickly. Science’s new breakthroughs and the discovery of new medicines save lives. Many people now survive one illness after another and continue to live productive lives. As my generation lives longer, we need to find new ways to help shape the world so that it can follow our lead and fulfill our needs. We need to be proactive, not reactive and shape the path for our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren - and those who will come after them. This is true in all realms from saving the environment to housing, to recreation, to work, to love, life and fun. We have constant chances for reFIREment and much less use for retirement as it existed less than a decade ago. We must educate the world that over fifty, sixty or ninety no longer carries the aura or stigma of sitting back and waiting to die. We are not to be put on an ice floe and ignored. In fact it is our task to lead.

I have always liked Dylan Thomas’s poem, “And Death shall have no dominion…” for it means the alternative is to live. To a large degree, life circumstances and attitude reflect how we can continue to live fully. Death is not to be ignored, it is to be acknowledged. Once we acknowledge our darkest moments, once we name our issues, it is easier to work backwards to the light. Fifty and Furthermore was established not to deny death. But rather to acknowledge that because death can visit any one of us in a flash, the most important challenge is to live fully, reach out to others, build community, give back to the world, remain as active as we can, and to love.

With these tenets, the years ahead, though they may call us to new paths, can be the best ones yet.