Pre-Nuptial Agreements: Good or Bad for Marriage?

A pre-nup is an old idea made new. Prior to the industrial revolution which produced greater mobility and the ability for couples to move away from small town life and prior to the advent of first the suffragette movement and the women’s liberation movement of the 1960’s laws existed to codify marriage and often to financially protect a woman. No-fault divorce didn’t exist and adultery was the primary reason accepted to nullify a marriage.

Up until the nineteenth century marriages among the rich and celebrated were often contractual arrangements merging royalty, family, territory and even countries. The idea of love as a reason to wed was left to those who could afford it-the middle and lower class. Even then, the notion of marriage for love was a rarity. Women came to the marriage bed with dowries and men came with obligations to care take care of their wives. For ages many marriages were more contractual than romantic. Marriage for love is actually a fairly modern idea.

In the last five to ten years we have been inundated with information about celebrity pre-nups. This makes sense as celebrities are our new royalty and Americans tend to devour information about every piece of minutia surrounding their lives. Celebrities have money and fame and enough disposable income so that they may often dispose of each other as quickly as they may purchase their latest Prada or Moo Roo hand bag or toss their “ Mac Mansion” on market. Given the reality of their fungible lifestyle pre-nuptial agreements make sense.

However in my over fifty generation pre-nups are also becoming more popular whether or not one is of celebrity status. The image of a perfect home with a white picket fence containing a mother, father and 2.5 children is long gone. Lawyers estimate that the number of couples in the past five years that have drawn up pre-nups has gone up 50 percent. The best guess is that 5 to 10 percent of couples getting married the first time sign them and 20 percent of those in second marriages get them. So pre-nups are on the rise.

In my experience as a psychologist a general rule of thumb is that how you get married is how the marriage will go and if there is a divorce that axiom holds true as well. So does this make having a pre-nup good or bad? Well, as with much of life, it depends. For those who are afraid of marriage, have children from a prior relationship, come with significant assets or who have been badly burned in love, a pre-nup may help get them to the alter. For those who are only interested in materialism, it certainly doesn’t bode well for love. Consider your purpose and do what is best for you. However, as with all money matters, sit up while discussing them with your beloved. A lover's bed is no place for unbidden strife.