The price of butter...

My mother used to talk about the price of butter. As a young woman I couldn’t understand what she was talking abut. We weren’t poor. So why did the apparently high price of butter mean so much to her and upset her as much as it did? As I’ve aged I find myself doing the same thing. Only for me, it’s ice cream. I can’t remember the price differential that so appalled my mother. But when I was growing up, ice cream was 10 cents - eleven if you added jimmies or as today’s youth might call them, sprinkles. Now it’s common for that same single scoop to cost anywhere between 3 and 5 dollars. Fifty-plus years of living and I’m accustomed to prices changing as I have. But ice cream remains the memory of my youth. It’s a child’s dream of life being forever the same. And for me, as butter was for my mom, I gasp at shelling out 5 bucks for the metaphoric dessert. In my still-young heart, I think the world should have remained the same, and ice cream, irrational as it may seem, should still be 10 cents. It’s not the money; it’s the loss of the dream. Life really does move on in ways a child - or the child residing in each of us - finds totally incomprehensible.

Thank the Lord I'm no longer young

Thank the Lord I’m no longer young. Tonight I was reminded of what it’s like to be under forty, looking for a mate, not connecting with anything or anyone real, and having to do it all with music so loud it doesn’t matter what you say anyway.

I committed to go to a party sponsored by several organizations that I support. In that sense I’m glad I went. One of the few gray-haired men there told me I was sexy. I told him he was fortunate I appreciated the compliment and wasn’t under 35 where he, or any guy of any age, might have risked a sexual harassment suit.

The appetizers were about a half grade better than the US Airways lounge and when I asked if the champagne was drinkable the bartender, noting I was probably there for a reason other than to be picked up, smiled at me and gave me my glass for free. (Who knows what they actually charge?) I said “hi’ to everyone I wished to and fled when I could.

For all those 50+ who miss your youth, I advise you to go to one of these ubiquitous young crowded bar scenes. Then, tell me if you really want to be young again. I’ll settle for an age-appropriate good meal with good service and decent conversation any time. And I bet so will you.

Thoughts on Omaha Situation

Robert Hawkins has now put an otherwise unknown Omaha Mall on the map by killing seven people before he killed himself. His name can now be added to Cho Seung-Hui who has forever changed the image of the bucolic campus of Virginia Tech, John Allen Muhammad and John Lee Malvo who terrorized Washington, DC, killing twenty one innocents in their killing spree, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold who marked the quiet Colorado town of Columbine with blood, and we may as well toss in Timothy McVeigh whose murder of 168 lives was the deadliest act of terrorism within our borders until 9/11.

All of these killers were troubled men with histories of feeling alienated, depressed, angry and other internal psychological dynamics. Several lashed out at society and in their rage sought suicide/murder as a way to have their 15 minutes of media fame. I don’t think increased psychological diagnosis is all that is needed. If anything, the scariest truth is that the nice kid next door could be your next killer, or even more horrifying, that next criminal could be your own kid. (Don’t cringe and say “no.” Listen to me, I am right.) With today’s hyperactive world and our increasingly busy lives, no one can watch all troubled teenagers or ex vets or their seemingly nice neighbors next door all the time. Killing sprees will continue to happen. And as long as there is media attention, copy cat killings will increase.

So someone is depressed or feels alienated or needs a more stable family environment... Big deal! Although, with more awareness and greater vigilance, some horrifying killing sprees can be contained, we can’t stop all. Our world is moving too fast for us to contain all the loose cannons. Get used to it. This is America today. If you keep watching TV and reading print news, you will have to learn to live with the terrifying truth that bad things do happen to good people, and that you or your loved ones may very well find yourselves one day in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So what can you do?

Love deeply and passionately all those you truly care about now and every day. Be in the moment and don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is too precious not to reach out and love. And just in case you've forgotten lately to reach out to those you love: Make love, hug your kids. Do something nice for a neighbor or those in need.

Remember that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Talk about your feelings within your family and to your friends. Don’t be afraid to cry and to be angry. If talking isn't your strong suit, try expressing yourself through sports or other physical activity, music, writing, or art. Helplessness is not a fun feeling. Use your emotions to be helpful to those in need. Action makes you feel powerful and more in charge. Helping others helps you.

Don’t isolate yourself or stop living your life all together. Though the unexpected can happen, keeping a positive outlook on your life and keeping as normal a schedule as possible helps you feel sane, functioning and in control. Everyone needs some kind of anchor. Routines can be that anchor.

Reach out for spiritual connections if you have a strong faith, and get in touch with others of your own faith or your spiritual advisors to help work through some of your issues. If you do not have a faith system but have spiritual values, try to connect with those who might share your values and begin talking.

Focus on maintaining physical health. Try to eat regular meals, take daily vitamins, engage in some physical exercise and get rest. Mental distress takes a physical toll on your body.

Learn all you can about the reactions you are having. It often helps to know what physical and mental reactions are common after a killing spree. If your anxieties persist, try short-term therapy, counseling or a support group. There are also many organizations and agencies that can provide you with additional materials, referrals to resources, or counseling assistance. Even the Internet, used with care, can provide helpful hits about how to cope.

Turn off the TV and in spite of my advice to keep a normal schedule, shopping on line sure seems appealing right now.

Sane or Crazy? You Be the Judge

Recently, I was asked if I’ve ever done anything that other people thought was “crazy.” Crazy is not a word in my lexicon. I don’t really know what it means. But I became thoughtful about the question for a few minutes and this is what came to mind.

Who knows if my acts were sane or crazy? “Aye, there’s the rub.” Most of those out-on-a-limb moves, happenings, challenges and changes are risk-taking, out of the ordinary and probably a little of both. What I do know is that my own different life beats have always been to my own drummer, and that’s both scary and exhilarating. Sane? Crazy? Who knows? I’m a well-respected “shrink,” author and media personality who's supposed to know. However, the longer I live, the more I Sage, the less I know how to judge certain behaviors. I don’t believe we really know how to judge these kinds of acts until time has passed and we know what we’ve done with the results of our experience. It’s in the looking back and telling our story that we evaluate our own life pattern.

Two times specifically come to mind. The first was after my home burned and I experienced a number of other personal tragedies in a three week period of time. After a period of hardship, off I went, traveling around the world, seeking something (what?), living in India, returning to India and adopting 2 Indian children. (There’s more to the story of course.)

The other time is now. I decided to become a voice for change in America. I learned how to confront a computer, wrote books, started a website and then started a major e-zine to launch this New Year's Eve that extols Saging instead of Aging. This last venture may be totally nuts or a success, either, neither or both. I do know it’s about one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The outcome is still uncertain. Crazy? Maybe. And maybe just crazy enough to work for me.